Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Non-Specific Fuss

This is an ailment my youngest, SOv.2 (Significant Other, version 2) is suffering from as of late. And you know, I was finding it irritating until I was sitting here at my desk reading, no, not what I am supposed to be reading, but of all things Backstage West - as if it will do me any bloody good in exile here in the desert - as if it did me any good when I lived in Hollywood. I'm reading it and enjoying it because it is all about my first love, acting. There will be nothing more fulfilling that I ever do for a living, I am certain, than acting. And since it is an endeavor one can't do alone (well I guess you could but people would think you insane) and if you can't get others to do it with you or let you play too, then you have nothing but the emptiness, the malaise that is the absence of fulfillment - thus, non-specific fuss. Non-specific not because the origin is unknown but because the remedy is.

I realized that SOv.2 is suffering from same. See, her first love is, well, how to put this, booby. The gal loves to nurse and would nurse all day long if I let them all hang out. But as she is 20 months old it is now time for some serious weaning because, well, Daddy wants his boobies back and Mommy is tired of it all, the biting, the sucking, the laying around waiting for marathon nurser to be done. Try as I might to not begrudge her I am just ready to be done! And funny enough, if I had another little SO I would willingly do it all over again. But as 2 years old looms I feel that she and I will both be better off without it. I worry about dependency issues. Just as with my acting, she has to learn to carry on in life and be happy without it. She may never get to suck on a booby again, I may never get to act in a play again, but we both have to learn to go on.

I suppose the non-specific fuss which I suffer from at times as much as she, is a way of lamenting the loss of the first love. And since we both suffer from it, the boys will just have to learn to live with us or ignore us when a bout of NSF arrives.


demondoll said...

I've been missing that first love, too. We pay for cards I never use, I read publications and reviews with greed. Ah...

demondoll said...

Oh, and the Boy went for what feels like forever mourning the loss of "mei-mei"