I wish I had read the memo (the one I wish someone had written me about 20 years ago) that said "Happiness does not mean the absence of longing".
I long for somethings that are, probably, completely out of reach, and for some that are possible with hard work, maybe.
I long for a career as an actor. A pursuit tried and not won. Not everyone can be the king...
I long to perform and I long to be on stage. Oddly, I feel most myself when I am performing. I feel all the vital parts of me come to the surface and my doubts subside. There is nothing I do better, in my own estimation. But, like space travel, it's a skill I rarely use... I'm sure Buzz Aldridge can relate.
I long for more laughing and fun in my relationship. It is the thing that brings you close together. Now that the 'season' of work has started for S.O. we are like ships that pass, "See ya round the other side of the world".
I long for my writing to find a home, an audience, readers, viewers, to be acknowledged.
I long to direct, to create an experience like the ones I so love. I directed three films in grad school, each one challanging and exhilarating, each taxed me in every way. But I loved it.
I long for the community of my friends, in the flesh. I have this community only electronically now, except for short visits here and there, one way or the other. The upside of an electronic community is that you can create new friends in places you might never physically get to. I have now new friends in Iraq and Romania. It's amazing when you think about it. And I continue to bridge the gap via emails with old friends in England, Pennsylvania, Washington, New York... My community is now a spiderweb across the globe.
I long for all these things and yet I am happy. I will remember in about 16 years to write a memo to my kids, to make sure they know not to put off being happy just because your heart wants more.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Pockets of Peace
There are really far too many things to worry about these days. And like most worriesome things they are largely out of our control. Modern life is clearly full of too much information, too many goods and services, too much technology and time-saving products to be completely comfortable anymore. Ironically most of these 'modern' conveniences are supposed to make us more comfortable.
We travelled to the mountains this past weekend for a four day family vacation. Just the four of us, no visiting friends, no visiting family, just relaxing in the woods, feeding the ducks on the lake. On the drive I got a lot of time to think, as you do... I noticed I did a lot more thinking on the way there than on the way back. Funny that. But it means the 'vacation' part worked. For a few days I got to not feel guilty or take sides, donate money or worry about what was going wrong in the country, and in the world.
In my think on the way to I thought a lot about my father. Not my real father (i.e. my dad, stepfather who chose to be our dad) but my biological father. He has been absent from my and my Genetic Twin's (sister) lives since I was about S.O.v.1's age and she was five. I thought mostly about what his absence means. Not that I particularly miss him - I never knew him really - but I used to feel that there was a hole of sorts, a chunk of something gone. I thought about what it means to me now, to not have his presence in my life or even know anything significant about him. The Female Parental Unit (mom) doesn't talk about him so we have very little information. When I see some of S.O. in our kids and even get little glimpses of myself in them it sometimes makes me wonder what I have of him.
My GT and I used to occasionally muse about finding him, but haven't for years. At this point, I have sealed up that hole. I don't really want to go in the hatch. I don't necessarily consider it part of my destiny (come on people, "Lost" anyone?) and believe that it would bring possibly only grievance or at best indifference if we were to 'find him', or find out anything about him even. So, I let it go. I moved on and deal with the present. The past may have created the who I am now but it won't control me.
But the past does control many people. Worse it controls whole populations of people. Part of the struggles of the Middle East, no doubt, are past-ridden. To look back and find something about who you are, as a human being, or as a culture, as a country is to be respectful and have reverence for those who have gone before. But to look to the past for how to manage the present is insanity. To do that is to not recognize that you can't change the past or even make up for what has been lost. What is gone is gone is gone is gone and there ain't no getting it back, no how. But yet the past is invoked time and again to justify present actions. We were supposed to have moved beyond that behavior when we advanced to the 7th grade, weren't we? "Well he stole my cookie from my lunch tray so I took his milk"... "and vengence is MINE!" Come on! We know psychologically speaking that if, say, I continued to try and 'make up' for the loss of a father year after year after year I would be spinning my wheels, being self destructive and miserable. Because you cannot get back what is no longer there. So any substitute, be it a fatherly boyfriend, or reunification with your ancesteral home will not put your psyche together again. It might be nifty for a time, but you will go right back to vengeful behavior if you keep looking backwards. Notice how it's not called "Look Now in Anger"?
So, after four days of unscheduled time, a couple of hikes and time with The Adorables I had very little brain action on the drive home. I had, for a time, a little pocket of peace. I had it because for those four days I was not trying to finish anything or start anything or create anything or destroy anything. I was only experiencing the present. And I discovered that in the here and now the past doesn't feel so uncomfortable. And the future doesn't seem so daunting. The people before you are just as wonderful, if not more, when you are peaceful inside yourself enough to see and hear them clearly.
We travelled to the mountains this past weekend for a four day family vacation. Just the four of us, no visiting friends, no visiting family, just relaxing in the woods, feeding the ducks on the lake. On the drive I got a lot of time to think, as you do... I noticed I did a lot more thinking on the way there than on the way back. Funny that. But it means the 'vacation' part worked. For a few days I got to not feel guilty or take sides, donate money or worry about what was going wrong in the country, and in the world.
In my think on the way to I thought a lot about my father. Not my real father (i.e. my dad, stepfather who chose to be our dad) but my biological father. He has been absent from my and my Genetic Twin's (sister) lives since I was about S.O.v.1's age and she was five. I thought mostly about what his absence means. Not that I particularly miss him - I never knew him really - but I used to feel that there was a hole of sorts, a chunk of something gone. I thought about what it means to me now, to not have his presence in my life or even know anything significant about him. The Female Parental Unit (mom) doesn't talk about him so we have very little information. When I see some of S.O. in our kids and even get little glimpses of myself in them it sometimes makes me wonder what I have of him.
My GT and I used to occasionally muse about finding him, but haven't for years. At this point, I have sealed up that hole. I don't really want to go in the hatch. I don't necessarily consider it part of my destiny (come on people, "Lost" anyone?) and believe that it would bring possibly only grievance or at best indifference if we were to 'find him', or find out anything about him even. So, I let it go. I moved on and deal with the present. The past may have created the who I am now but it won't control me.
But the past does control many people. Worse it controls whole populations of people. Part of the struggles of the Middle East, no doubt, are past-ridden. To look back and find something about who you are, as a human being, or as a culture, as a country is to be respectful and have reverence for those who have gone before. But to look to the past for how to manage the present is insanity. To do that is to not recognize that you can't change the past or even make up for what has been lost. What is gone is gone is gone is gone and there ain't no getting it back, no how. But yet the past is invoked time and again to justify present actions. We were supposed to have moved beyond that behavior when we advanced to the 7th grade, weren't we? "Well he stole my cookie from my lunch tray so I took his milk"... "and vengence is MINE!" Come on! We know psychologically speaking that if, say, I continued to try and 'make up' for the loss of a father year after year after year I would be spinning my wheels, being self destructive and miserable. Because you cannot get back what is no longer there. So any substitute, be it a fatherly boyfriend, or reunification with your ancesteral home will not put your psyche together again. It might be nifty for a time, but you will go right back to vengeful behavior if you keep looking backwards. Notice how it's not called "Look Now in Anger"?
So, after four days of unscheduled time, a couple of hikes and time with The Adorables I had very little brain action on the drive home. I had, for a time, a little pocket of peace. I had it because for those four days I was not trying to finish anything or start anything or create anything or destroy anything. I was only experiencing the present. And I discovered that in the here and now the past doesn't feel so uncomfortable. And the future doesn't seem so daunting. The people before you are just as wonderful, if not more, when you are peaceful inside yourself enough to see and hear them clearly.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Random Thoughts
The problem with random thoughts is that you never know where to start...
I had had cause to think about something I'd believed for a long time recently; that every woman marries below her. That is not to say men are bad, just that women are smarter, more able to multi-task, more compassionate, more expressive, more patient and the whole package makes it just easier for us to run a life which we all must do on one level or another. Even if you are single with no kids you are still running your own life and keeping your toilet fairly clean (except for the odd woman who revels in being laise fair about housecleaning, fine if only she has to live in it). But any woman who has children and/or is married is running more than one and that becomes difficult.
Men have an uncanny ability to focus on one thing for long periods of time, which is why we have disciplines like engineering and science and space travel. When they are using their powers for good instead of evil they are in that regard better than women. But doing one thing alone well does not exactly make one able to run a life successfully. And hey, if you are a single guy, who cares if your toilet is clean. When men are 'envolved' with other human beings they must strive to use their powers not for evil to, say, focus on figuring out how to do the least amount of work possible or how to use their powers of concentration to effectively ignore their people, but for good, as in focusing on how to contribute or be more compassionate.
S.O. and I have had many a skirmish over the subject of 'running the life' of our family. Our finally conclusion of the matter of running the life was to conclude that he is not, or we should not say, he's 'helping me' get the various chores done. That is condescending and I think implies that the whole kit and kaboodle is MY responsibility and mine alone and somehow he is doing me a favor by doing dishes or putting his shoes away instead of leaving them in the middle of the living room for me to pick up. So, women's lib did what again? Made it possible for women to have two jobs and men to continue to sit on the sofa and watch their shows while we take care of the kids?
I saw a young woman bopping along, coming out of the local college, this morning, talking on her cell phone. She had a lovely look on her face, one vaguely familiar and melancholy to me. It's that expression you see only on very young women and very old - but well balanced and grateful - women. It is the look of running only your own life and doing as you please. It is the look of being carefree. My perspective now makes all my worries as a young woman, even as a young married woman without children seem petty. Not that that young woman has no worries or troubles. It just strikes me how much easier troubles are when they are only your very own. As psychologists and wanna be therapists like to say to us over and over again from their TV pulpits, you can only change yourself. Great concept in theory, except it ignores the reality of most women who are managing someone else's life including their own. Sure, you can't theoretically control someone else but if you are running their life it is decidely more difficult to do if you aren't also controlling what they do... and thus why marriage is so difficult!
It is so easy to be empassioned with something new; new love, new school, new baby, new job. And doesn't society and talk show hosts tell us all the time that we should recapture our 'inner child' - that enthusiasm, that discovery, that passion for life. But doing something for the first time or having something new is always easy and exciting. I'm a little sick of this whole idea of 'finding your passion' because, frankly, it is not the way the world or a life works. It is great when someone is enthusiastic about something new, you love to hear about it. And we run to our loved one's side when they are feeling down or in need. But all the mediocre stuff in between is where life really lies. Why is it not ok to just be ok with how things are going? Why does every morning have to have the sparkle of potential? Isn't not expecting something to happen, i.e. expecting a regular day, and it turning out spectacular just the best? But if you are every day living your passion, grabbing, eating life, consumming with passion... when the hell do you rest? Besides unrealistic it sounds just tiring to me. I am happy with making methodical progress forward and not knowing when the spectacular may happen. Besides, isn't all this 'passion stuff' just starting to smack plasticy?
We are heading up to the mountains for a few days tomorrow. Our first family vacation that is not also a visit friends and family vacation. As much as I love my friends and family it's just not the same. I realize that we are lucky. Many do not ever get a family vacation and as much as I am compelled to complain that this is essentially the first since having our children, that thought keeps popping into my head. Many get outrageous vacations where they don't life a finger, except maybe to purchase expensive gifts for themselves or to haul themselves on to the massage table, and get to have an exceptional relaxing time. We fall somewhere on the lower end of that scale just into the priveledged enough to get a vacation at all section. For that I am grateful. But it will not be totally relaxing because there are still responsibilities that will follow me up the mountain - diapering, bathing, clothing, feeding, cooking, organizing... but maybe if I am really nice to him (wink wink) S.O. will allow me to sleep a couple times.
I had had cause to think about something I'd believed for a long time recently; that every woman marries below her. That is not to say men are bad, just that women are smarter, more able to multi-task, more compassionate, more expressive, more patient and the whole package makes it just easier for us to run a life which we all must do on one level or another. Even if you are single with no kids you are still running your own life and keeping your toilet fairly clean (except for the odd woman who revels in being laise fair about housecleaning, fine if only she has to live in it). But any woman who has children and/or is married is running more than one and that becomes difficult.
Men have an uncanny ability to focus on one thing for long periods of time, which is why we have disciplines like engineering and science and space travel. When they are using their powers for good instead of evil they are in that regard better than women. But doing one thing alone well does not exactly make one able to run a life successfully. And hey, if you are a single guy, who cares if your toilet is clean. When men are 'envolved' with other human beings they must strive to use their powers not for evil to, say, focus on figuring out how to do the least amount of work possible or how to use their powers of concentration to effectively ignore their people, but for good, as in focusing on how to contribute or be more compassionate.
S.O. and I have had many a skirmish over the subject of 'running the life' of our family. Our finally conclusion of the matter of running the life was to conclude that he is not, or we should not say, he's 'helping me' get the various chores done. That is condescending and I think implies that the whole kit and kaboodle is MY responsibility and mine alone and somehow he is doing me a favor by doing dishes or putting his shoes away instead of leaving them in the middle of the living room for me to pick up. So, women's lib did what again? Made it possible for women to have two jobs and men to continue to sit on the sofa and watch their shows while we take care of the kids?
I saw a young woman bopping along, coming out of the local college, this morning, talking on her cell phone. She had a lovely look on her face, one vaguely familiar and melancholy to me. It's that expression you see only on very young women and very old - but well balanced and grateful - women. It is the look of running only your own life and doing as you please. It is the look of being carefree. My perspective now makes all my worries as a young woman, even as a young married woman without children seem petty. Not that that young woman has no worries or troubles. It just strikes me how much easier troubles are when they are only your very own. As psychologists and wanna be therapists like to say to us over and over again from their TV pulpits, you can only change yourself. Great concept in theory, except it ignores the reality of most women who are managing someone else's life including their own. Sure, you can't theoretically control someone else but if you are running their life it is decidely more difficult to do if you aren't also controlling what they do... and thus why marriage is so difficult!
It is so easy to be empassioned with something new; new love, new school, new baby, new job. And doesn't society and talk show hosts tell us all the time that we should recapture our 'inner child' - that enthusiasm, that discovery, that passion for life. But doing something for the first time or having something new is always easy and exciting. I'm a little sick of this whole idea of 'finding your passion' because, frankly, it is not the way the world or a life works. It is great when someone is enthusiastic about something new, you love to hear about it. And we run to our loved one's side when they are feeling down or in need. But all the mediocre stuff in between is where life really lies. Why is it not ok to just be ok with how things are going? Why does every morning have to have the sparkle of potential? Isn't not expecting something to happen, i.e. expecting a regular day, and it turning out spectacular just the best? But if you are every day living your passion, grabbing, eating life, consumming with passion... when the hell do you rest? Besides unrealistic it sounds just tiring to me. I am happy with making methodical progress forward and not knowing when the spectacular may happen. Besides, isn't all this 'passion stuff' just starting to smack plasticy?
We are heading up to the mountains for a few days tomorrow. Our first family vacation that is not also a visit friends and family vacation. As much as I love my friends and family it's just not the same. I realize that we are lucky. Many do not ever get a family vacation and as much as I am compelled to complain that this is essentially the first since having our children, that thought keeps popping into my head. Many get outrageous vacations where they don't life a finger, except maybe to purchase expensive gifts for themselves or to haul themselves on to the massage table, and get to have an exceptional relaxing time. We fall somewhere on the lower end of that scale just into the priveledged enough to get a vacation at all section. For that I am grateful. But it will not be totally relaxing because there are still responsibilities that will follow me up the mountain - diapering, bathing, clothing, feeding, cooking, organizing... but maybe if I am really nice to him (wink wink) S.O. will allow me to sleep a couple times.
Friday, September 08, 2006
A Moment
There are moments when the exiquisite beauty and pain of being a parent appears before you. It flies away before you can grasp it completely. Maybe if you really knew what it meant to have the honor of being the mother of these little perfect people it would just be too much... too much to handle... too much to comprehend... to much to be able to move forward with... Maybe that is what love is....
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Now it's time to stop
First there was iTunes. Then there was iPod... or maybe it was the other way round, I don't know, chicken and egg situation.
Now, iMesh!? Yet a new music downloading software.
So, here I am reading the Hollywood Reporter thinking, "What's next? iChildren? iHusband?" I thought I'd do a little survey... this is very limited to my imagination but you try too and see what you come up with.
There is now:
iHouse - a real estate marketing firm
iComputer - a computer consultant
iKid - something to 'help protect our children' - no doubt something run by Republicans
iDesign - Solutions, Inc. no less - a little throw back to the 'solutions' we were all promised in the 90s! This promises to solve all our education problems
iFood - which offers, of course, a 'unique blend' of something or rather having to do with food and hopefully not also computer chips, although I hear they are great along side a nice grilled Ahi on a chibatta - baked with olive oil, not fried of course!
iCatalogue - where you can find all your company gifts!
iSnake - a net software site
iFax - Solutions - there we go again...
iRabbit - which is of all things a vibrator, but it promises to be descreet and secure... so, that makes me feel better
iRobot - which is a consummer robot - for all your robotic needs of course, or solutions as needed I assume, and of course a mediocre Will Smith movie
iBlogger - website something, name change, solutions...
iCondom - which is a cover for an iPod, logically
iDoctor for iSeries, an IBM company... huh?
iVillage - they have actually been around forever so they can't really be blamed for perpetuating the problem, just helping to create it
A Canadian paper, the National Post, writes and article about the rise of iPolitician - the Prime Minister apparently did a podcast... which I sort of think is a little bit cool... at least she's up to date!
iDog - an electronic pet dog... cuts down on the grooming but hell on battery costs I i-imagine (which, if you need a wedding video shot, is in the business)
Sadly, no iCat... isn't there a market for an electronic pet cat!
iMouse - which is, of course, a computer mouse... but if your house got infected with those THEN I bet there'd be a market for the iCat
iHuman - a performance group I found on craigslist in all places, San Francisco naturally
No iHusband just yet (though the website is for sale for you to jump on!) though there are several hits for iWife, not least of which is some failed product that Apple introduced, a singles dating site - not very appealing to men who want to remain such I would think and software, that's funny
iGallop - I can't even write anything as funny as this is all on its own
http://www.brookstone.com/store/product.asp?pid=531707&wid=1&cid=18&sid=113&prodtemp=t2&cm_re=B_BKST*MN*531707
Have a go! You should try it! It's iFun! (website still available) Let me know how you do...
Now, iMesh!? Yet a new music downloading software.
So, here I am reading the Hollywood Reporter thinking, "What's next? iChildren? iHusband?" I thought I'd do a little survey... this is very limited to my imagination but you try too and see what you come up with.
There is now:
iHouse - a real estate marketing firm
iComputer - a computer consultant
iKid - something to 'help protect our children' - no doubt something run by Republicans
iDesign - Solutions, Inc. no less - a little throw back to the 'solutions' we were all promised in the 90s! This promises to solve all our education problems
iFood - which offers, of course, a 'unique blend' of something or rather having to do with food and hopefully not also computer chips, although I hear they are great along side a nice grilled Ahi on a chibatta - baked with olive oil, not fried of course!
iCatalogue - where you can find all your company gifts!
iSnake - a net software site
iFax - Solutions - there we go again...
iRabbit - which is of all things a vibrator, but it promises to be descreet and secure... so, that makes me feel better
iRobot - which is a consummer robot - for all your robotic needs of course, or solutions as needed I assume, and of course a mediocre Will Smith movie
iBlogger - website something, name change, solutions...
iCondom - which is a cover for an iPod, logically
iDoctor for iSeries, an IBM company... huh?
iVillage - they have actually been around forever so they can't really be blamed for perpetuating the problem, just helping to create it
A Canadian paper, the National Post, writes and article about the rise of iPolitician - the Prime Minister apparently did a podcast... which I sort of think is a little bit cool... at least she's up to date!
iDog - an electronic pet dog... cuts down on the grooming but hell on battery costs I i-imagine (which, if you need a wedding video shot, is in the business)
Sadly, no iCat... isn't there a market for an electronic pet cat!
iMouse - which is, of course, a computer mouse... but if your house got infected with those THEN I bet there'd be a market for the iCat
iHuman - a performance group I found on craigslist in all places, San Francisco naturally
No iHusband just yet (though the website is for sale for you to jump on!) though there are several hits for iWife, not least of which is some failed product that Apple introduced, a singles dating site - not very appealing to men who want to remain such I would think and software, that's funny
iGallop - I can't even write anything as funny as this is all on its own
http://www.brookstone.com/store/product.asp?pid=531707&wid=1&cid=18&sid=113&prodtemp=t2&cm_re=B_BKST*MN*531707
Have a go! You should try it! It's iFun! (website still available) Let me know how you do...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
I've been doing some fake news gathering
Housing Bubble Not Over
Washington D.C. – As the booming housing market of the last few years takes a downswing, National Association of Realtors, VP of Marketing Strategies, Mike Couven, says their new tact will be aiming at the third home market.
With affordable homes out of reach to nearly 90% of the population in some areas the NAR had to find new ways to keep the housing industry strong.
“Let’s face it,” Couven said, “Most of those that didn’t have one already bought their second homes in this last boom. We think going after the top 1% of earning households is the next logical step.” Not swayed by predictions of a market decline Couven is convinced the ‘third home’ is the new black.
The one two punch of keeping the price of houses artificially high – preventing the Have Nots from entering the current market – and adding more granite countertops, will make the acquisition of the third home more appealing to the Haves.
“The middle class is shrinking, there’s nothing we can do about that and there’s no money in affordable housing,” grins Couven, “So we are positioning housing as something unique, out of reach to most, something that makes them feel special like having a third Rolex or a third Mercedes Benz they never drive in their six car garage.”
Couven insists this is not a rental market he is trying to create but a totally unnecessary luxury market that will have a huge impact on the price of homes, particularly in desirable locations, such as locales where there remains a job market.
“We’re gonna keep gains in the double digits with this strategy. This could be huge, bigger than the last bubble.”
Washington D.C. – As the booming housing market of the last few years takes a downswing, National Association of Realtors, VP of Marketing Strategies, Mike Couven, says their new tact will be aiming at the third home market.
With affordable homes out of reach to nearly 90% of the population in some areas the NAR had to find new ways to keep the housing industry strong.
“Let’s face it,” Couven said, “Most of those that didn’t have one already bought their second homes in this last boom. We think going after the top 1% of earning households is the next logical step.” Not swayed by predictions of a market decline Couven is convinced the ‘third home’ is the new black.
The one two punch of keeping the price of houses artificially high – preventing the Have Nots from entering the current market – and adding more granite countertops, will make the acquisition of the third home more appealing to the Haves.
“The middle class is shrinking, there’s nothing we can do about that and there’s no money in affordable housing,” grins Couven, “So we are positioning housing as something unique, out of reach to most, something that makes them feel special like having a third Rolex or a third Mercedes Benz they never drive in their six car garage.”
Couven insists this is not a rental market he is trying to create but a totally unnecessary luxury market that will have a huge impact on the price of homes, particularly in desirable locations, such as locales where there remains a job market.
“We’re gonna keep gains in the double digits with this strategy. This could be huge, bigger than the last bubble.”
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Bee-stung lips and other ailments
I was just telling a friend of mine that I don't usually do the "let me tell you about the lousy day I had" blog posts too often. Because I don't want to seem like too much of a navel gazer because that is really boring for other people (besides me) and because it seems like when you read blogs randomly that is what they are all about. "I'm so pissed at my mom because she wouldn't like let me go to the mall because of some stupid thing about me coming in at 3am, like shah, like she didn't come in totally late the other night!" Just kidding. I don't even know if teenagers say 'totally' anymore. Probably not...
In any case, I feel compelled to complain because I am just so irritated with my various injuries primarily because they are all self-inflicted. You know when you bite yourself for no obvious reason? Then you have to be super careful not to do it again, but it never matters how careful you are because inevitably you do!? What a bummer. And what is the biting all about anyway? Is it your subconscious trying to tell you something? And if so, why the passive-aggressive thing, why not just come out and say it Subconscious? Come on, don't be shy, I can take it. Be honest with me... but it never does and before long the bite turns into or activates that virus that most of us have called the canker sore. Ugh! Throbbing all night. Not much sleep. Got up twice to do the masochistic baking soda pack on it. Eyes watering at 2 in the morning, then again at 3:30... ouch. Still upon awaking, it's still there. Why is it that no matter how much lysine, vitamin C, laying off sugar and baking soda packs you inclict on them the things stay around to torture you 3-5 days...
On top of that I have runners rash. This is my own fault for trying to get in shape and lose the two babies worth of fat which of course is layered primarily on the inner thigh, where runners rash appears naturally. The other night I resorted to applying the babies' diaper rash cream because I just could not take the burning and the everytime you put your legs together sting in the middle of the night. Seems unfair doesn't it? I mean, I am doing what Bob Greene, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Atkins, Runners World and Triathlete Magazine have TOLD me to do! Why am I being punished?
Then the other week I bumped into something at the gym which gave me a nasty and large bruise. Didn't hurt though unless I poked it, so my plan, don't poke it. But in the last 24 hours it has swollen - probably because of all that running and biking working the muscle the bruise is on. Now it just hurts hurts, poke, no poke.
Last night if I could get comfortable on my stomach then my canker started to throb. If I laid on my right side the runners rash pressed together and stung. If I laid on my left side my weight fell on my swollen bruise. Ugh!
You know, in a case like this, it would probably be easy to ask "Why me?" and in the middle of the night laying on my back on the sofa (did I mention the allergies are high at the moment so I can't breathe through my nose unless propped up? - sheez) I could have asked, but frankly, I was too tired. Blast. Hell. Damnation. Cripes.
Now, in the light of day and just as uncomfortable I am just mad, and ready to show my subconscious (or body, whomever it is that is trying to send me a message) and go workout after work today anyway! Ha! There! I'll just inflict more pain on you nasty buggers.
That'll show you, Subconscious!
In any case, I feel compelled to complain because I am just so irritated with my various injuries primarily because they are all self-inflicted. You know when you bite yourself for no obvious reason? Then you have to be super careful not to do it again, but it never matters how careful you are because inevitably you do!? What a bummer. And what is the biting all about anyway? Is it your subconscious trying to tell you something? And if so, why the passive-aggressive thing, why not just come out and say it Subconscious? Come on, don't be shy, I can take it. Be honest with me... but it never does and before long the bite turns into or activates that virus that most of us have called the canker sore. Ugh! Throbbing all night. Not much sleep. Got up twice to do the masochistic baking soda pack on it. Eyes watering at 2 in the morning, then again at 3:30... ouch. Still upon awaking, it's still there. Why is it that no matter how much lysine, vitamin C, laying off sugar and baking soda packs you inclict on them the things stay around to torture you 3-5 days...
On top of that I have runners rash. This is my own fault for trying to get in shape and lose the two babies worth of fat which of course is layered primarily on the inner thigh, where runners rash appears naturally. The other night I resorted to applying the babies' diaper rash cream because I just could not take the burning and the everytime you put your legs together sting in the middle of the night. Seems unfair doesn't it? I mean, I am doing what Bob Greene, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Atkins, Runners World and Triathlete Magazine have TOLD me to do! Why am I being punished?
Then the other week I bumped into something at the gym which gave me a nasty and large bruise. Didn't hurt though unless I poked it, so my plan, don't poke it. But in the last 24 hours it has swollen - probably because of all that running and biking working the muscle the bruise is on. Now it just hurts hurts, poke, no poke.
Last night if I could get comfortable on my stomach then my canker started to throb. If I laid on my right side the runners rash pressed together and stung. If I laid on my left side my weight fell on my swollen bruise. Ugh!
You know, in a case like this, it would probably be easy to ask "Why me?" and in the middle of the night laying on my back on the sofa (did I mention the allergies are high at the moment so I can't breathe through my nose unless propped up? - sheez) I could have asked, but frankly, I was too tired. Blast. Hell. Damnation. Cripes.
Now, in the light of day and just as uncomfortable I am just mad, and ready to show my subconscious (or body, whomever it is that is trying to send me a message) and go workout after work today anyway! Ha! There! I'll just inflict more pain on you nasty buggers.
That'll show you, Subconscious!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Friends
I don't normally post twice a week let alone twice a day... but I got to thinking about my friends yesterday. Probably because we watched the documentary film "Be Here To Love Me" about Townes Van Zandt recently and watched the additional interviews last night. It is rife with interviews of friends of his and they clearly loved him dearly.
Got to wondering, if I were docu-worthy, what would my friends say about me? And then the mind, as it does, wandered to the question I'd been asked of late "What do all your friends have in common?"
I had a little bit of a revelation about myself as I answered this question in my mind. You see, my friends are brave women and some men all of them. They jumped in with both feet to friendship with me while I was more reserved. I think everyone holds a part of themselves back. But there is a difference between holding back sustinence for yourself and holding in reserve so that you might not be hurt - that is cowardice and I am guilty of it.
I think diving in to any sort of relationship, lover, friend, co-worker, child, with both feet and all your self is very courageous. I attribute the fact that I have many friends to their own bravery. I am still afraid, a little bit of the ugly goose feeling. I feel on some level that at any turn I might be pushed down and mocked. It is a remnant of some elementary school experience no doubt because that is about the maturity level. But there it is, right inside me.
It was a bit of a shocking revelation because I had always thought of myself as brave. But what I am is a good mediator. I am good at midgating pain. I'm not afraid of that and I'm not afraid to feel my emotions once they arrive. It's just the throwing oneself into the ring that frightens me.
I liked to chalk up my lack of bonds out here in exile to the area, the fact that we didn't know how long we'd be here, to 'those' people being so pedestrian and not creative and intellectual like the lovelies I left behind in LA. But really it is because I have not been brave enough, not willing to take the risk.
Wow. What a thing to find out about yourself... what a wonderful thing to find out about your friends though!
Got to wondering, if I were docu-worthy, what would my friends say about me? And then the mind, as it does, wandered to the question I'd been asked of late "What do all your friends have in common?"
I had a little bit of a revelation about myself as I answered this question in my mind. You see, my friends are brave women and some men all of them. They jumped in with both feet to friendship with me while I was more reserved. I think everyone holds a part of themselves back. But there is a difference between holding back sustinence for yourself and holding in reserve so that you might not be hurt - that is cowardice and I am guilty of it.
I think diving in to any sort of relationship, lover, friend, co-worker, child, with both feet and all your self is very courageous. I attribute the fact that I have many friends to their own bravery. I am still afraid, a little bit of the ugly goose feeling. I feel on some level that at any turn I might be pushed down and mocked. It is a remnant of some elementary school experience no doubt because that is about the maturity level. But there it is, right inside me.
It was a bit of a shocking revelation because I had always thought of myself as brave. But what I am is a good mediator. I am good at midgating pain. I'm not afraid of that and I'm not afraid to feel my emotions once they arrive. It's just the throwing oneself into the ring that frightens me.
I liked to chalk up my lack of bonds out here in exile to the area, the fact that we didn't know how long we'd be here, to 'those' people being so pedestrian and not creative and intellectual like the lovelies I left behind in LA. But really it is because I have not been brave enough, not willing to take the risk.
Wow. What a thing to find out about yourself... what a wonderful thing to find out about your friends though!
Derailed
You ever have one of those days where no matter how clear your goal is in your mind you just get... derailed?
Yesterday, I was determined to get my workout in (I have been going to the gym 6 days a week, I'm doing a program, you know the whole weight, cholesterol thing). I planned to leave work a little early because S.O. needed to get to a dinner work meeting. But then the phone rang and so I left just a few minutes late. Well, enough time, only need to get a short cardio in, I thought, I'll have time. I speed down the road to go pick up S.O.v.1 from preschool and I hit, of all things, traffic! Whawhawha-what? You have to understand, I live in the desert, in the OFF-season. There is barely 6 cars in a row during the season. There is never ever traffic in the off-season, that is just absurd.
I get S.O.v.1 and there is not enough time to get to the gym and then get home on time so that S.O. can get to his meeting. Nevermind, I think, I'll just go for a swim later. Our complex sports a pool that is almost long enough for a real lap swim workout. I have a new swimsuit (rather LARGER in size than my old triathlon swimsuit, :(...) and a new pair of goggles to try out.
I get little S.O.s to bed and await S.O.'s return home... I make a little visit to the restroom and who should appear!? My little friend. You remember ladies, before we couldn't say the words 'menstral cycle' or even 'period' without being moooooooortified! Damn, I say to myself. Then minutes later, the headache, the cramping, the ooogy in skin feeling, the runs... totally derailed.
Yesterday, I was determined to get my workout in (I have been going to the gym 6 days a week, I'm doing a program, you know the whole weight, cholesterol thing). I planned to leave work a little early because S.O. needed to get to a dinner work meeting. But then the phone rang and so I left just a few minutes late. Well, enough time, only need to get a short cardio in, I thought, I'll have time. I speed down the road to go pick up S.O.v.1 from preschool and I hit, of all things, traffic! Whawhawha-what? You have to understand, I live in the desert, in the OFF-season. There is barely 6 cars in a row during the season. There is never ever traffic in the off-season, that is just absurd.
I get S.O.v.1 and there is not enough time to get to the gym and then get home on time so that S.O. can get to his meeting. Nevermind, I think, I'll just go for a swim later. Our complex sports a pool that is almost long enough for a real lap swim workout. I have a new swimsuit (rather LARGER in size than my old triathlon swimsuit, :(...) and a new pair of goggles to try out.
I get little S.O.s to bed and await S.O.'s return home... I make a little visit to the restroom and who should appear!? My little friend. You remember ladies, before we couldn't say the words 'menstral cycle' or even 'period' without being moooooooortified! Damn, I say to myself. Then minutes later, the headache, the cramping, the ooogy in skin feeling, the runs... totally derailed.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
More Mama Files
Sometimes I forget my own rules.
Last night I had a minor blow up at the little S.O.s. Poor kiddos. It was just all around a bad day and, you know the deal... anyway, S.O.v.1, the little charmer that he is, when I went in to tuck him in, asked me to explain to him why mama was so irritated. What a smarty, I mean, he's only 4! So, I explained the concept of mama's being cranky and what it means to be taken advantage of. He got it.
So, this evening as bathtime was coming to a close little mister S.O.v.1 decided that it was time to poo poo poo. He's a conservationist. He likes to limit his water usage, so he visits the toilet in this regard only every few days (no matter the pleading, prodding, insisting or introduction of fiber to his diet). Consequently, they are plunger-worthy (I know, it's gross, I hope you haven't just eaten). As I was weilding said instrument, S.O.v.2, who loves to flush the toilet, kept trying to flush, threatening to overflow the bowl. Patience held out only until she tried to grab the plunger. Ick! So I got mad, picked her up and removed her from the situation. This made her, understandably, upset.
Even after I managed the bathroom situation S.O.v.2 was still crying for mama. When I went in to her, looked into her little face, she seemed so confused. That's when I recalled the previous evening's conversation with S.O.v.1. See, even though I always made a point to explain things to him, I realized that I have been lax with her. Even though she is only 2 now it's still important. So, I gave her a brief explanation on how toilets are dirty and mama doesn't insist she doesn't touch things unless there is a good reason. I mean, who knows if she understood - but she does do very cute "unh huh"s, her version of nod and smile, no doubt. The point really is not the explanation. It is taking the time and effort to do it. That above all else, I discovered long ago with S.O.v.1, is what makes the impact. It is the face time, particularly if you have gotten mad and they have gotten scared.
I decided when he was born that I would give him the respect and dignity that he deserved. I must admit I am harder on S.O.v.2. Maybe it is because she is the second and I am busier, more harried. Maybe it is because she is a girl - we are always harder on the same sex child, I believe. But maybe it is just that I forgot my own rules.
And whala! the behavior that had driven me crazy and set me off the night before disappeared tonight. Sometimes yelling or insisting "Because I'm the mama and I say so" seems like the easy way or short cut to compliance in the moment. And it can be a stop gap. There are times when a short cut is necessary. But for overall peace and harmony the long way is the best way. There is something to showing your child that you not only believe that they are smart enough to understand why but have a right to know. Compliance may seem welcome but understanding is better. Don't get me wrong, I will take blind compliance when I can get it but I just think instilling a sense of self worth in a child is an opportunity not to be missed. It is a great way to show them they matter, to say, "You're worthy of an explanation".
Rule duly noted.
Last night I had a minor blow up at the little S.O.s. Poor kiddos. It was just all around a bad day and, you know the deal... anyway, S.O.v.1, the little charmer that he is, when I went in to tuck him in, asked me to explain to him why mama was so irritated. What a smarty, I mean, he's only 4! So, I explained the concept of mama's being cranky and what it means to be taken advantage of. He got it.
So, this evening as bathtime was coming to a close little mister S.O.v.1 decided that it was time to poo poo poo. He's a conservationist. He likes to limit his water usage, so he visits the toilet in this regard only every few days (no matter the pleading, prodding, insisting or introduction of fiber to his diet). Consequently, they are plunger-worthy (I know, it's gross, I hope you haven't just eaten). As I was weilding said instrument, S.O.v.2, who loves to flush the toilet, kept trying to flush, threatening to overflow the bowl. Patience held out only until she tried to grab the plunger. Ick! So I got mad, picked her up and removed her from the situation. This made her, understandably, upset.
Even after I managed the bathroom situation S.O.v.2 was still crying for mama. When I went in to her, looked into her little face, she seemed so confused. That's when I recalled the previous evening's conversation with S.O.v.1. See, even though I always made a point to explain things to him, I realized that I have been lax with her. Even though she is only 2 now it's still important. So, I gave her a brief explanation on how toilets are dirty and mama doesn't insist she doesn't touch things unless there is a good reason. I mean, who knows if she understood - but she does do very cute "unh huh"s, her version of nod and smile, no doubt. The point really is not the explanation. It is taking the time and effort to do it. That above all else, I discovered long ago with S.O.v.1, is what makes the impact. It is the face time, particularly if you have gotten mad and they have gotten scared.
I decided when he was born that I would give him the respect and dignity that he deserved. I must admit I am harder on S.O.v.2. Maybe it is because she is the second and I am busier, more harried. Maybe it is because she is a girl - we are always harder on the same sex child, I believe. But maybe it is just that I forgot my own rules.
And whala! the behavior that had driven me crazy and set me off the night before disappeared tonight. Sometimes yelling or insisting "Because I'm the mama and I say so" seems like the easy way or short cut to compliance in the moment. And it can be a stop gap. There are times when a short cut is necessary. But for overall peace and harmony the long way is the best way. There is something to showing your child that you not only believe that they are smart enough to understand why but have a right to know. Compliance may seem welcome but understanding is better. Don't get me wrong, I will take blind compliance when I can get it but I just think instilling a sense of self worth in a child is an opportunity not to be missed. It is a great way to show them they matter, to say, "You're worthy of an explanation".
Rule duly noted.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
The Illusion of Love
I watched "Must Love Dogs" last night, a film essentially about finding 'the one' and then tonight as I was washing dishes I watched "One Tree Hill". I usually stop on it for at least a little while when surfing because of Chad Michael Murray. No! Not because I think he's dreeeeeamy but because I worked with him on "The Lone Ranger" when I still lived in L.A. - BE (Before Exile). It's that loyalty for no reason thing, and because he is genuinely a nice guy. OK, he's a little dreamy.
Annnnnyway, as I'm washing dishes I'm thinking this show is all about who's doing who, except it's more than that, it's about who's falling in love with whom. Clearly, it's aimed at teenage girls... But so many shows and movies come down to that one magical thing; love. Who doesn't want to be loved! I mean, come on, it's fundamental. But I realized that it is also an illusion. Love, more than anything else really can give you a sense of well being that goes beyond temporary. It's good to feel loved. It's good to love. But the message, when love is portrayed in movies and television (and I am generalizing here), seems to be the only work you need to do is to FIND it. Then you're done. Satisfaction for the rest of your life. (OK, I know one shouldn't really be philosphizing over a sink full of dishes and normally I don't do them at all, but my dishwasher is in Santa Barbara at the moment. S.O.'s working making money for the family, work that is non-existent here in the desert during the summertime, so I am playing single mom for three weeks. Washing dishes just takes way too long, too much time to think!)
But that is the illusion isn't it? That is the destructive force, that idea, that it's couldn't be that you stopped appreciating your loved one, or started acting disrespectful or taking them for granted (because when you treat someone poorly you subconsciously feel bad, and when you feel bad about the way you have behaved your psyche tends to try to find the path of least resistence which is find the person you have mistreated deplorable for some reason and therefore justify your mistreatment). No, it's that they are not 'the one'. You have 'stopped loving them' you don't know why you just did and can't anyone tell that is not your own fault! You know, I get that love fades and sometimes doesn't stand up to life. I mean, hell I've been divorced twice! I do get that.
It's just that I think there are destructive and distracting ideas about love that float around the world. It is great to be in love but it is not the only thing that can give one a sense of well being. And frankly, I think there is so much focus on 'love' and finding it, and the right 'one' that there is less energy left for all the other parts of life. There are lots of things that can give you that sense of well being; music, eating, laughing... There are also many things in this world that need our attention.
I guess, I just get annoyed that the real struggles don't seem to be portrayed. And maybe it's because we can't figure out how. Many of life's other struggles are internal and have more to do with fighting your own demons than embracing someone else. It has always been the same of course. Finding love is the most titilating part of the story and has been memorialized in every kind of human expression there is... the rest is... work.
Annnnnyway, as I'm washing dishes I'm thinking this show is all about who's doing who, except it's more than that, it's about who's falling in love with whom. Clearly, it's aimed at teenage girls... But so many shows and movies come down to that one magical thing; love. Who doesn't want to be loved! I mean, come on, it's fundamental. But I realized that it is also an illusion. Love, more than anything else really can give you a sense of well being that goes beyond temporary. It's good to feel loved. It's good to love. But the message, when love is portrayed in movies and television (and I am generalizing here), seems to be the only work you need to do is to FIND it. Then you're done. Satisfaction for the rest of your life. (OK, I know one shouldn't really be philosphizing over a sink full of dishes and normally I don't do them at all, but my dishwasher is in Santa Barbara at the moment. S.O.'s working making money for the family, work that is non-existent here in the desert during the summertime, so I am playing single mom for three weeks. Washing dishes just takes way too long, too much time to think!)
But that is the illusion isn't it? That is the destructive force, that idea, that it's couldn't be that you stopped appreciating your loved one, or started acting disrespectful or taking them for granted (because when you treat someone poorly you subconsciously feel bad, and when you feel bad about the way you have behaved your psyche tends to try to find the path of least resistence which is find the person you have mistreated deplorable for some reason and therefore justify your mistreatment). No, it's that they are not 'the one'. You have 'stopped loving them' you don't know why you just did and can't anyone tell that is not your own fault! You know, I get that love fades and sometimes doesn't stand up to life. I mean, hell I've been divorced twice! I do get that.
It's just that I think there are destructive and distracting ideas about love that float around the world. It is great to be in love but it is not the only thing that can give one a sense of well being. And frankly, I think there is so much focus on 'love' and finding it, and the right 'one' that there is less energy left for all the other parts of life. There are lots of things that can give you that sense of well being; music, eating, laughing... There are also many things in this world that need our attention.
I guess, I just get annoyed that the real struggles don't seem to be portrayed. And maybe it's because we can't figure out how. Many of life's other struggles are internal and have more to do with fighting your own demons than embracing someone else. It has always been the same of course. Finding love is the most titilating part of the story and has been memorialized in every kind of human expression there is... the rest is... work.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Global Warming Training
We spent a lovely three days in Santa Barbara and arrived home to the desert to... 120 degrees... plus hot wind...
Hell. It actually is very hell like. Just as we were driving up some neighbors of ours were escaping to cooler climes for the night. And a no wonder. Our airconditioner is struggling to reach 90 on the thermostat temperture monitor (that's as high as it goes) and not quite there yet after three hours at home. Who knows what temp it really is in here. Sweaty. That is a few degrees beyond sticky right? I mean, I am sitting here, inside my home, with all the windows and door closed and I am sweating.
As we left Santa Barbara we stopped at Vons for water and cookies for the ride home. The checker said it was "awful" outside... oh if he only knew. What a wimpy!
The only upside that I can think of is that this just might come in handy if we can't manage to get out collective head out of our collective rear and insist that something be done about global warming. It's like astronauts. They train in a weightless enviornment to simulate what they will be dealing with while in space. We are getting our global warming simulator right here in the (sometimes beautiful) Coachella Valley! All the wealthy people move here to golf and relax but leave when the going gets hot. But us full time residents who have no extended relocation choice must suffer through the painful heat and the excrutiating electric bill. The wealthy are so dumb. If they were smart they'd actually STAY here for the summer. Come on, suck it up! But no, they won't. What they don't realize is, us po' fok is creating an uber-race that will be able to withstand temps like no one else.... maybe the meek shall inherit the earth... when it's ALL 120 degrees!
Hell. It actually is very hell like. Just as we were driving up some neighbors of ours were escaping to cooler climes for the night. And a no wonder. Our airconditioner is struggling to reach 90 on the thermostat temperture monitor (that's as high as it goes) and not quite there yet after three hours at home. Who knows what temp it really is in here. Sweaty. That is a few degrees beyond sticky right? I mean, I am sitting here, inside my home, with all the windows and door closed and I am sweating.
As we left Santa Barbara we stopped at Vons for water and cookies for the ride home. The checker said it was "awful" outside... oh if he only knew. What a wimpy!
The only upside that I can think of is that this just might come in handy if we can't manage to get out collective head out of our collective rear and insist that something be done about global warming. It's like astronauts. They train in a weightless enviornment to simulate what they will be dealing with while in space. We are getting our global warming simulator right here in the (sometimes beautiful) Coachella Valley! All the wealthy people move here to golf and relax but leave when the going gets hot. But us full time residents who have no extended relocation choice must suffer through the painful heat and the excrutiating electric bill. The wealthy are so dumb. If they were smart they'd actually STAY here for the summer. Come on, suck it up! But no, they won't. What they don't realize is, us po' fok is creating an uber-race that will be able to withstand temps like no one else.... maybe the meek shall inherit the earth... when it's ALL 120 degrees!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Summer sick
There is nothing worse than being sick in the summer time. But in the desert it's actually not so bad. When temps are pushing north of 110 and the wind is blowing hot and dry, like someone please close the oven door!, then it is a little bit of a blessing in disguise.
I dread the countdown to the end of summer - not as some of you who are NOT in exile in the desert might - but dread the length of it. So any few days that can eliviate some of the boredom and cabin fever are welcome. See, when you're sick of course you don't lament not being able to go outside so much.
But this summer we have had 2 weeks plus of illness. The little Significant Others have been cold and flu on and off and throw in a couple goopy eyes and allergic reactions and you have sick soup. Finally, this week S.O. and I caught it. For as many germs were flying around our house I think we did pretty well fending off the sick!
Finally it seems we are all on the mend and I am so grateful. There is nothing worse than watching your little ones suffer. Maybe now I might get some regular sleep.
And the countdown to coolness - only 2 1/2 months to go! Ummm... rah?... or maybe ugh...
I dread the countdown to the end of summer - not as some of you who are NOT in exile in the desert might - but dread the length of it. So any few days that can eliviate some of the boredom and cabin fever are welcome. See, when you're sick of course you don't lament not being able to go outside so much.
But this summer we have had 2 weeks plus of illness. The little Significant Others have been cold and flu on and off and throw in a couple goopy eyes and allergic reactions and you have sick soup. Finally, this week S.O. and I caught it. For as many germs were flying around our house I think we did pretty well fending off the sick!
Finally it seems we are all on the mend and I am so grateful. There is nothing worse than watching your little ones suffer. Maybe now I might get some regular sleep.
And the countdown to coolness - only 2 1/2 months to go! Ummm... rah?... or maybe ugh...
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Summer - Ugh!
This is what I thought as I ran around the desert this morning, taking S.O.v.1 to the doctor to have them check his TB shot and fill out the paperwork for his preschool, "ugh! Summer is here". At least it's the end of June I thought, meaning that there are really only 3 or maybe 3 1/2 ungodly months left of this heat. Only a few more months till I can feel normal again, go back to waking up only a couple times a night (aircon, smaircon! your body still registers the atmosphere even if you are in your cool little coop) and only a few more months till my head stops hurting.
It will get up to 110 today. But with the cloud cover it is downright muggy. It is true what they say about dry heat. But after 110 all bets are off. I don't care if it's muggy, not muggy, raining, raining locusts (which we do get here)... anything after that is just irritating. You walk to the car - you sweat. You start the car - sweat. Wait for aircon to kick in - swear. And the more in-out errand running you do the more you think to yourself "Now, I live here why again?" The locals used to say "Nine months of paradise" in the summer to me... yes, true, give or take, depending on the state of global warming.
I remember my first summer when I met a very lovely older lady who'd moved here in the 60's. Imagine the state of airconditioning then! S.O.v.1 and I were getting some ice cream at the Rite Aid (what was wrong with the name Thrifty, by the way? Not that it is that cheap anymore, maybe they felt bad because their prices really weren't 'thrifty' anymore. It was much easier to say anyway) and I asked her how long it would take to get used to the summer heat. "Three years," she says "but if (she) is really being honest (she) ought to say six". Grand. She was about right though and now that I am at the start of Summer Number Four my threshold for pain has risen. It used to top out at 104 - anything after that and I was miserable. Now, at least I am at a hummin' 110. After that, I am downright cranky till the temperature comes down...
And don't ask me to nip out to the Rite Aid for a pint of ice cream either!
It will get up to 110 today. But with the cloud cover it is downright muggy. It is true what they say about dry heat. But after 110 all bets are off. I don't care if it's muggy, not muggy, raining, raining locusts (which we do get here)... anything after that is just irritating. You walk to the car - you sweat. You start the car - sweat. Wait for aircon to kick in - swear. And the more in-out errand running you do the more you think to yourself "Now, I live here why again?" The locals used to say "Nine months of paradise" in the summer to me... yes, true, give or take, depending on the state of global warming.
I remember my first summer when I met a very lovely older lady who'd moved here in the 60's. Imagine the state of airconditioning then! S.O.v.1 and I were getting some ice cream at the Rite Aid (what was wrong with the name Thrifty, by the way? Not that it is that cheap anymore, maybe they felt bad because their prices really weren't 'thrifty' anymore. It was much easier to say anyway) and I asked her how long it would take to get used to the summer heat. "Three years," she says "but if (she) is really being honest (she) ought to say six". Grand. She was about right though and now that I am at the start of Summer Number Four my threshold for pain has risen. It used to top out at 104 - anything after that and I was miserable. Now, at least I am at a hummin' 110. After that, I am downright cranky till the temperature comes down...
And don't ask me to nip out to the Rite Aid for a pint of ice cream either!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Facade
I did not sleep well last night. Probably because I slept intermittantly throughout the day, that sleep of fending off a sore throat that makes the nighttime a toil. So, as I was wandering around the empty bed, S.O. is working in Santa Barbara this week, I thought it silly to toss and turn so I checked my email... of course. Hasn't the computer replaced the TV as the insomniacs drug of choice? So, there was a link to a speech given by Barack Obama at the recent Take Back America conference. I was struck by his sincerity and 'realness' for lack of a better word. He strikes me as someone who is entirely comfortable in his skin, comfortable with who he is and confident in his ability to do his own life.
And so, tonight, I am watching Oprah as I am washing the dishes and it is all about women who have lived secret lives. And it struck me that there are a lot less Barack Obama's in this world than there are people living secret lives. Even if the secret is something small and not devastating, it is still a secret and it still prevents you from being completely who you are.
But then that is the way our society is set up. We are particularly allergic to peculiarities in human beings and by and large prefer neat little packages, even if they are false. And isn't credit card use chasing that dream? Of being a neat little package? Don't we all think we are SUPPOSED to be neat little packages - logical, attractive, sensibly put together personalities - and I don't necessarily mean just the 'preppy/conservative' types, but also the 'artistic' types and the 'deep' and the 'wild' and the 'bad boy' and the 'quirky'... isn't any type really at its core a facade? Isn't hypocracy really a facade in denial?
We seem to have a problem with sincere truth in this country at the same time that 'reality' is a commodity - on television certainly. If we all felt that we were truly being seen, for who we are, if we all felt that we were acceptable just the way were are in the world; if we all felt that it was OK to be incongruent as a person and have pieces that just didn't seem to fit; would we really be so susceptible to marketing? Would we have elected a man whom, as the media kept telling us we liked, we wanted to have a beer with?
I propose we, America, as a society, are in the middle of an identity crisis. We are, afterall, about, oh... in our 20s as a country. As cultures go we are youthful. And didn't you all hit 25 and look about you and think, "What the hell am I doing with my life!? What have I accomplished yet?"
The problem now is that any accomplishment short of multimillionaire-hood or creativegenius-hood at 25 anymore is considered 'not worthy'. Gone are the days when a woman at 25 with 2 children could think, "I'm contributing to society". Gone are the days when a college graduate at 25 can look back and think, "I did what only, some 30% of Americans accomplish. I've learned so much". Gone are the days when a body can look back at 6 or 7 years of hard work and say, "I've gotten three raises and two promotions".
And forget asking the question at 30! We dare not! At 35, 40... "OH MY GOD! I'M A LOSER!" jumps immediately to mind if you aren't overseeing a vast, wealthy foundation ala Bill Gates or some such. I blame the 'champagne wishes and caviar dreams' dude. Remember him? "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous", Robin Leach. In the 80's? The ME generation, led by, who else, a Republican. It all looked so romantic. Add to that MTV, a randy and budding generation of teens - not that I mean to dis my own generation but... really guys, we did buy it - and you have recipe for overeating, overspending, overdrinking/drugging/smoking. We have tremendous debt in this country. We have a huge meth problem. We have a huge prescription drug problem - and I don't just mean Rush Limbaugh, there are others too. We have a HUGE greed problem. If this is not a "grab all I can get for me" time in our history, I don't know what is!
Its symptoms are all over the place. The national debt. The personal debt in this country and severe lack of savings. The HOUSING BOOM, can I just say... The war! What about this country right now is NOT a facade? Honesty is at a premium in this administration and competance and sincerity are at a premium in the world at large in our country. When was the last time someone did something, they were being paid to do, right and DIDN'T give you attitude doing it? We are so 20-something floundering for direction and meaning right now.
Living anything less than honest with oneself is less than living. It is time we wake up and stop just smelling the coffee! Damnit, drink some and get with it! We have a country to save. We have our own lives to save... otherwise, let's just try to imagine the mental health crises that will arises in this country when people finally are so maxed out on credit cards they need to declare bankruptcy but can't. All the Iraq and Afganistan vets return home from wars unwon and perhaps unwinable. The houses we live in crush us under the weight of thier cost. The latest scandal is pushed under the Rove, I mean rug. The health crisis when our weight crushes us and we have no insurance to cover it. The underemployment crisis.
It's coming. It is inevitable. It's frightening.
And so, tonight, I am watching Oprah as I am washing the dishes and it is all about women who have lived secret lives. And it struck me that there are a lot less Barack Obama's in this world than there are people living secret lives. Even if the secret is something small and not devastating, it is still a secret and it still prevents you from being completely who you are.
But then that is the way our society is set up. We are particularly allergic to peculiarities in human beings and by and large prefer neat little packages, even if they are false. And isn't credit card use chasing that dream? Of being a neat little package? Don't we all think we are SUPPOSED to be neat little packages - logical, attractive, sensibly put together personalities - and I don't necessarily mean just the 'preppy/conservative' types, but also the 'artistic' types and the 'deep' and the 'wild' and the 'bad boy' and the 'quirky'... isn't any type really at its core a facade? Isn't hypocracy really a facade in denial?
We seem to have a problem with sincere truth in this country at the same time that 'reality' is a commodity - on television certainly. If we all felt that we were truly being seen, for who we are, if we all felt that we were acceptable just the way were are in the world; if we all felt that it was OK to be incongruent as a person and have pieces that just didn't seem to fit; would we really be so susceptible to marketing? Would we have elected a man whom, as the media kept telling us we liked, we wanted to have a beer with?
I propose we, America, as a society, are in the middle of an identity crisis. We are, afterall, about, oh... in our 20s as a country. As cultures go we are youthful. And didn't you all hit 25 and look about you and think, "What the hell am I doing with my life!? What have I accomplished yet?"
The problem now is that any accomplishment short of multimillionaire-hood or creativegenius-hood at 25 anymore is considered 'not worthy'. Gone are the days when a woman at 25 with 2 children could think, "I'm contributing to society". Gone are the days when a college graduate at 25 can look back and think, "I did what only, some 30% of Americans accomplish. I've learned so much". Gone are the days when a body can look back at 6 or 7 years of hard work and say, "I've gotten three raises and two promotions".
And forget asking the question at 30! We dare not! At 35, 40... "OH MY GOD! I'M A LOSER!" jumps immediately to mind if you aren't overseeing a vast, wealthy foundation ala Bill Gates or some such. I blame the 'champagne wishes and caviar dreams' dude. Remember him? "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous", Robin Leach. In the 80's? The ME generation, led by, who else, a Republican. It all looked so romantic. Add to that MTV, a randy and budding generation of teens - not that I mean to dis my own generation but... really guys, we did buy it - and you have recipe for overeating, overspending, overdrinking/drugging/smoking. We have tremendous debt in this country. We have a huge meth problem. We have a huge prescription drug problem - and I don't just mean Rush Limbaugh, there are others too. We have a HUGE greed problem. If this is not a "grab all I can get for me" time in our history, I don't know what is!
Its symptoms are all over the place. The national debt. The personal debt in this country and severe lack of savings. The HOUSING BOOM, can I just say... The war! What about this country right now is NOT a facade? Honesty is at a premium in this administration and competance and sincerity are at a premium in the world at large in our country. When was the last time someone did something, they were being paid to do, right and DIDN'T give you attitude doing it? We are so 20-something floundering for direction and meaning right now.
Living anything less than honest with oneself is less than living. It is time we wake up and stop just smelling the coffee! Damnit, drink some and get with it! We have a country to save. We have our own lives to save... otherwise, let's just try to imagine the mental health crises that will arises in this country when people finally are so maxed out on credit cards they need to declare bankruptcy but can't. All the Iraq and Afganistan vets return home from wars unwon and perhaps unwinable. The houses we live in crush us under the weight of thier cost. The latest scandal is pushed under the Rove, I mean rug. The health crisis when our weight crushes us and we have no insurance to cover it. The underemployment crisis.
It's coming. It is inevitable. It's frightening.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
From The Mama File
I have discovered, in my four years of parenting, that it saves a Mama a lot of time and hassle if you tell your kids what is going on. For instance, when you awake in the morning if you say "Junior, this morning Mama is going to go to work and Daddy will take care of you all day and then when Mama gets home after your sleepy nap we can make dinner together" then you have just alleviated potential melt downs. Sure, you may be stuck with the whining, there may be no parenting skill to get around that. But isn't it better than throw-self-on-floor-scream?
I had been very good about doing this with S.O.v.1 but have been more lax with S.O.v.2 and am feeling the effects. I am not talking enough about what is going on in the day. I used to do this all the time, make a running commentary on the day, i.e. "As soon as Mama gets done cleaning the toilet I think we should go have a snack. What do you think?" It worked wonders and we went through terrible 2s with little fuss... not just terrible 2s but terrible 2s with new baby in the house. Now that new baby is 2 we are seeing real fuss I have been wondering what the hell is going on. It occured to me that I have let down my commentary guard. It is so easy to let the complication of a second child divert one onto the short road. But the short road often has road blocks to progress. Like, trying to get out the door and child is clinging leach-like so that you can't actually get out the door. It made me realize that had I just taken the time to talk to the leach I'd be there by now!
So, the moral is, always tell the kids what is going on in their world. "We're gonna have some breakfast and then Mama is going to leave for work" It's the same working principle for leaving the park. I think all Mamas know about the 10 minute warning. If you think about it, too, it is only fair. Imagine you had not kind of control on your day and how it played out - I mean, really no control - you'd be fussy too. It is somewhat akin to being in prison, but the guards love you... wait, that may not be the best analogy... but you see what I mean. And frankly, the more I talk the easier and more enjoyable my Mama life is. It's worth a few extra breaths to avoid the naughty corner!
I had been very good about doing this with S.O.v.1 but have been more lax with S.O.v.2 and am feeling the effects. I am not talking enough about what is going on in the day. I used to do this all the time, make a running commentary on the day, i.e. "As soon as Mama gets done cleaning the toilet I think we should go have a snack. What do you think?" It worked wonders and we went through terrible 2s with little fuss... not just terrible 2s but terrible 2s with new baby in the house. Now that new baby is 2 we are seeing real fuss I have been wondering what the hell is going on. It occured to me that I have let down my commentary guard. It is so easy to let the complication of a second child divert one onto the short road. But the short road often has road blocks to progress. Like, trying to get out the door and child is clinging leach-like so that you can't actually get out the door. It made me realize that had I just taken the time to talk to the leach I'd be there by now!
So, the moral is, always tell the kids what is going on in their world. "We're gonna have some breakfast and then Mama is going to leave for work" It's the same working principle for leaving the park. I think all Mamas know about the 10 minute warning. If you think about it, too, it is only fair. Imagine you had not kind of control on your day and how it played out - I mean, really no control - you'd be fussy too. It is somewhat akin to being in prison, but the guards love you... wait, that may not be the best analogy... but you see what I mean. And frankly, the more I talk the easier and more enjoyable my Mama life is. It's worth a few extra breaths to avoid the naughty corner!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Brought on by the new work life of the 21st Century
torpid \TOR-pid\, adjective:
1. Having lost motion or the power of exertion and feeling; numb; benumbed.
2. Dormant; hibernating or estivating.
3. Dull; sluggish; apathetic.
1. Having lost motion or the power of exertion and feeling; numb; benumbed.
2. Dormant; hibernating or estivating.
3. Dull; sluggish; apathetic.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The Problem With Being An Assistant
The problem with being an assistant, I suspect, lies in the title and it's rung on the ladder, not the job description. Your employer, if all you are is their 'assistant', understands you to be vaguely necessary but an entirely replaceable commodity. You are not a real human being. You are not a person. You are only the work. If your work gets done, you are worthy. If your work does not get done, you are annoying. But worse, if you create your own work, then you are a thorn in some uncomfortable, inconvenient location.
To assist someone is to assume that they are the creator and you yourself merely a helper and, as such, do not have any inherent value in and of yourself. This goes, having been an assistant now for many years to several employers, along for both your personal self and your work self. To expect that an employer care about you personally is to expect too much. To expect that they care about what you create at work is to be dillusional. No, only what you create on their behalf to their glory is of value.
I have always had, in these positions, the sneaking suspicion that I was not really 'there'. Not me personally. I mean, certainly the presence of 'someone', some body has always been acknowledged as being there, and to my credit and to my employers' (whom I don't mean to dis here, by the way) acknowledgment of work well done was always forthcoming. However, as a very wise woman once told me, you can't have someone that close and that important to the daily workings of your life and your family and not eventually get on each others' nerves.
It is true I now find. And I know this because it has been replicated in my work experience a number of times. The first year is always bliss. You are learning, they are feeling confident in your work and in their smart choice of you. The second year is hunker down and get some work done. But as the third and fourth years wear on, something else happens. Just as they are relying on you more, to do more and varied tasks they begin to resent you. It's not conscious or by any means intentional. It just happens. So just as they are giving you more responsiblilities and more freedom to control your own work they are resenting you more and more.
I have heard it likened to parent child relationship. But it is not so much so as it is teacher student, where the student is being held back for yet another year and neither he nor the teacher quite know why. Maybe there are some that can stomach it, fake it, but no soul can thrive as an assistant forever. At some point you need to move on and accomplish your own work, of your own accord without having to attribute it to someone else.
How exactly to accomplish this leap out into the open world is yet another story. I think we miss something very fundamental to human existence without the paradigm of apprenticeship. Within it is the understanding that, in the end, the daily relationship will be severed and the apprentice will be sent out on his own. Whether there is material aid given to help the apprentice in this process is not of much consequence in the long run. But the idea that there is a necessary end to a working relationship where the apprentice will have made a step forward into his own work, I think, is primary to what work stands for to the human being. We love the learning process, we love the helping process, but one cannot remain in it forever. To be an assistant is to constantly be in a position to help someone else with their work. At some point one's own knowledge must be put into practice.
For the employer, this is a necessary renewal, that can invigorate his business and himself. Who wants to be in the position of 'teaching' the same items over and over to the same class? That must be the teacher's idea of purgatory. And to be in a position of suspicion, of resentment towards your employee is not good. "Do they know too much about my family life?", "Could this come back to haunt me one day?", "Are they taking advantage of me?", "Will they leave me in the middle of all these projects that I don't know much about because they have taken the lead?" That can't be a fun dialogue to have in one's head.
I suppose the equivilant in the corporate world is promotion. But of course when that does not happen for some people, as surely statistically, it must not, then resentments can run both ways. Relying on someone else is always a precarious situation to put oneself in. But the ways and areas in life where this is necessary are numerous. This may be a large part of anxiety for us all. We all depend on the government for myriad tasks to be accomplished. We all rely on them to protect and serve us. We all want to work well and be compensated well. When this is not in balance, as I propose it currently is not in our country, then unrest in inevitable. And as we know, unrest leads to miscreant behaviour.
Logical progressions are a must to human societies and relationships. There seem to be several areas in our society anymore where these are lost. Labor is underpaid at this moment in time in numerous areas - this had led to (albeit an Administration orchestration of one) unrest and unease with immigrant labor, though it has always easily surrounded us since the beginning of time! There is an unease in the way we live caused by the methed-out youth and celebrity culture and the way it is exhibited at the moment. Who would be using credit if they didn't "just have to have" that Kate Spade bag or that bitchin' Harley? There is unease in the way our Administration is conducting our country but we have been cast as the "assistant" to it. We can only praise and encourage, if we question we are fired as insubordinate.
Gone are the logical progressions of entry level for low pay, moving on to more responsibility and more pay. Promotion and supervision in middle age with enough pay to acquire those things one might have hankered for in their youth. Experience leading to position. These things are skewed as we send the message to youth that they should be living a million dollar lifestyle on a $20,000 a year job - or less. The requirements of life are more yet the resources available are less. Open dialogue leading to considered decision making. Leaps are being made all over the place. We are expecting to go from A to P in a short time. Kids are sexual younger. Kids are in debt younger. Kids are unhappy about the future younger. And workers are stuck in roles where they are now and will remain forever assistants to someone else's life's work. Service industries are just that and that is what this country is becoming. In the service industry you are not allowed to partner alongside the company to create, you are to do what is expected and no more.
It is an uncomfortable, disheartening, anxiety producing position to be in, being an assistant over staying their apprenticeship. I suspect many more Americans than me are in this same fix.
To assist someone is to assume that they are the creator and you yourself merely a helper and, as such, do not have any inherent value in and of yourself. This goes, having been an assistant now for many years to several employers, along for both your personal self and your work self. To expect that an employer care about you personally is to expect too much. To expect that they care about what you create at work is to be dillusional. No, only what you create on their behalf to their glory is of value.
I have always had, in these positions, the sneaking suspicion that I was not really 'there'. Not me personally. I mean, certainly the presence of 'someone', some body has always been acknowledged as being there, and to my credit and to my employers' (whom I don't mean to dis here, by the way) acknowledgment of work well done was always forthcoming. However, as a very wise woman once told me, you can't have someone that close and that important to the daily workings of your life and your family and not eventually get on each others' nerves.
It is true I now find. And I know this because it has been replicated in my work experience a number of times. The first year is always bliss. You are learning, they are feeling confident in your work and in their smart choice of you. The second year is hunker down and get some work done. But as the third and fourth years wear on, something else happens. Just as they are relying on you more, to do more and varied tasks they begin to resent you. It's not conscious or by any means intentional. It just happens. So just as they are giving you more responsiblilities and more freedom to control your own work they are resenting you more and more.
I have heard it likened to parent child relationship. But it is not so much so as it is teacher student, where the student is being held back for yet another year and neither he nor the teacher quite know why. Maybe there are some that can stomach it, fake it, but no soul can thrive as an assistant forever. At some point you need to move on and accomplish your own work, of your own accord without having to attribute it to someone else.
How exactly to accomplish this leap out into the open world is yet another story. I think we miss something very fundamental to human existence without the paradigm of apprenticeship. Within it is the understanding that, in the end, the daily relationship will be severed and the apprentice will be sent out on his own. Whether there is material aid given to help the apprentice in this process is not of much consequence in the long run. But the idea that there is a necessary end to a working relationship where the apprentice will have made a step forward into his own work, I think, is primary to what work stands for to the human being. We love the learning process, we love the helping process, but one cannot remain in it forever. To be an assistant is to constantly be in a position to help someone else with their work. At some point one's own knowledge must be put into practice.
For the employer, this is a necessary renewal, that can invigorate his business and himself. Who wants to be in the position of 'teaching' the same items over and over to the same class? That must be the teacher's idea of purgatory. And to be in a position of suspicion, of resentment towards your employee is not good. "Do they know too much about my family life?", "Could this come back to haunt me one day?", "Are they taking advantage of me?", "Will they leave me in the middle of all these projects that I don't know much about because they have taken the lead?" That can't be a fun dialogue to have in one's head.
I suppose the equivilant in the corporate world is promotion. But of course when that does not happen for some people, as surely statistically, it must not, then resentments can run both ways. Relying on someone else is always a precarious situation to put oneself in. But the ways and areas in life where this is necessary are numerous. This may be a large part of anxiety for us all. We all depend on the government for myriad tasks to be accomplished. We all rely on them to protect and serve us. We all want to work well and be compensated well. When this is not in balance, as I propose it currently is not in our country, then unrest in inevitable. And as we know, unrest leads to miscreant behaviour.
Logical progressions are a must to human societies and relationships. There seem to be several areas in our society anymore where these are lost. Labor is underpaid at this moment in time in numerous areas - this had led to (albeit an Administration orchestration of one) unrest and unease with immigrant labor, though it has always easily surrounded us since the beginning of time! There is an unease in the way we live caused by the methed-out youth and celebrity culture and the way it is exhibited at the moment. Who would be using credit if they didn't "just have to have" that Kate Spade bag or that bitchin' Harley? There is unease in the way our Administration is conducting our country but we have been cast as the "assistant" to it. We can only praise and encourage, if we question we are fired as insubordinate.
Gone are the logical progressions of entry level for low pay, moving on to more responsibility and more pay. Promotion and supervision in middle age with enough pay to acquire those things one might have hankered for in their youth. Experience leading to position. These things are skewed as we send the message to youth that they should be living a million dollar lifestyle on a $20,000 a year job - or less. The requirements of life are more yet the resources available are less. Open dialogue leading to considered decision making. Leaps are being made all over the place. We are expecting to go from A to P in a short time. Kids are sexual younger. Kids are in debt younger. Kids are unhappy about the future younger. And workers are stuck in roles where they are now and will remain forever assistants to someone else's life's work. Service industries are just that and that is what this country is becoming. In the service industry you are not allowed to partner alongside the company to create, you are to do what is expected and no more.
It is an uncomfortable, disheartening, anxiety producing position to be in, being an assistant over staying their apprenticeship. I suspect many more Americans than me are in this same fix.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
This Is New
So, I just turned down a job that I would really have loved to have done... because the pay was so little. Now, for me, under normal past circumstances I would have taken the job, suffered and made excuses for THEM! But in talking to my family about the offer last evening my mom said something that struck home "That offer is insulting! You have more self worth than that, and if you take the position you are saying to yourself that you don't". Good point mom.
After I had mulled all night about what to say and how to say it I sent out my decline email (everything is done by email these days!) and when I hit send a little voice inside me said "Bravo, Daniela" I haven't heard that voice in a long time. It was really good to hear from it again.
After I had mulled all night about what to say and how to say it I sent out my decline email (everything is done by email these days!) and when I hit send a little voice inside me said "Bravo, Daniela" I haven't heard that voice in a long time. It was really good to hear from it again.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Cleaning!
I realize why cleaning seems like such a chore. I mean, of course it is, literally a chore that one must do. But it feels like a chhhhhooooore. I just cannot embrace the domestic goddess within. Why? I blame women's lib. See, the gals who picketed, burned their bras and entered the workforce in force were brought up to believe that they would, with certainty, be housewives. Certainly then there was a certain level of acceptance about the tasks that would have to be undertaken and so they might have even been able to find a level of peace about it.
But blast it if I cannot even find a way to get good with this damned endless job. And I think I have it figured out. See, we were brought up to believe (us Gen Xers and after) that we would be career women! We have a sense of entitlement that we would not be lowered to 'that'. Kind of the same way that, oh MEN feel about housecleaning. Now I happen to be super lucky because my S.O. loves to wash dishes. In fact, I think he finds it soothing, he's almost offended sometimes if I have washed them first. But that's a whole 'nother story.
We look down on cleaning. We looked down on it when our mother's did it. Isn't "women's work" a disparaging remark? How can one feel good about doing something that almost everyone looks down on and thinks of as menial, unskilled and uneducated labor? And because everyone looks down on it, no one appreciates it. Because we don't look at it as a valuable task it never lasts! I can clean the floor and two hours later it's a mess again. I mean, that alone makes me want to throw up hands and give up. But housecleaning is the battle that is never won. Who is it that said "Housecleaning will expand to the time alloted to it"?
So, what is the solution? Martha Stewart hasn't helped much. Gone, mostly, are the commercials with women cleaning. Now we have cartoon characters and slender actresses in chinos and well pressed blouses in complexion accenting colors cleaning without sweating. There are too many products but not enough validation. The only collective goal is to get it done with the least amount of work possible. Time was when the woman jumped for joy because her floor cleaner worked exceptionally well, now we have the woman jumping for joy because the MAID did it for her! This does nothing to help those of us come to grips with it that have to do it every day.
UGH.
But blast it if I cannot even find a way to get good with this damned endless job. And I think I have it figured out. See, we were brought up to believe (us Gen Xers and after) that we would be career women! We have a sense of entitlement that we would not be lowered to 'that'. Kind of the same way that, oh MEN feel about housecleaning. Now I happen to be super lucky because my S.O. loves to wash dishes. In fact, I think he finds it soothing, he's almost offended sometimes if I have washed them first. But that's a whole 'nother story.
We look down on cleaning. We looked down on it when our mother's did it. Isn't "women's work" a disparaging remark? How can one feel good about doing something that almost everyone looks down on and thinks of as menial, unskilled and uneducated labor? And because everyone looks down on it, no one appreciates it. Because we don't look at it as a valuable task it never lasts! I can clean the floor and two hours later it's a mess again. I mean, that alone makes me want to throw up hands and give up. But housecleaning is the battle that is never won. Who is it that said "Housecleaning will expand to the time alloted to it"?
So, what is the solution? Martha Stewart hasn't helped much. Gone, mostly, are the commercials with women cleaning. Now we have cartoon characters and slender actresses in chinos and well pressed blouses in complexion accenting colors cleaning without sweating. There are too many products but not enough validation. The only collective goal is to get it done with the least amount of work possible. Time was when the woman jumped for joy because her floor cleaner worked exceptionally well, now we have the woman jumping for joy because the MAID did it for her! This does nothing to help those of us come to grips with it that have to do it every day.
UGH.
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