A Week of Disappointments

It started off well enough. We put an offer in on a house that was exactly what we were looking for and exactly in our price range. But as the days and hours went on after the offer was put in it was clear that we were not going to be able to get financing. Not because of us necessarily, though we do have a year old bankruptcy and a low income in CA which makes it difficult, but because the house is a manufactured house. Lenders translate that into 'mobile home' no matter what the reality on the ground is. No matter that it was built to be a permanent home. No matter that it never had wheels, was never meant to have wheels and was considered real property (not personal property like a mobile home or your car) ever, ever, ever. It was called a manufactured home by the realtor and try as I might to get him to call it prefab, so that we could get the lender to lend us the bloody money!, he wouldn't. Apparently this is such a new phenomena that no one is really clear on what they are.

So, our offer died on the vine.

Then I was really excited by being able to edit and transfer to tape my audition tape for KCET's new digital channel they are starting out here in the desert and looking for hosts. I got it out by Wednesday in FedEx which means they got it by midday Thursday. A short, snappy 3 minutes along with my considerable resume. But by Friday there was no response, which means, they were not enthused.

My attempts to find some sort of full-time employment or additional parttime employment making more than $12.00 an hour have so far come to naught. Despite my considerable experience and education I am apparently not worth more than $12.00 to anyone out here. My talents are either not apparent or not necessary and I feel like I am being wasted. Needless to say fulltime employment at $12.00 is not enough to pay for the babysitting it would require to look after my children while I am at work. I asked my boss for a raise this year which would have somewhat ameliorated the financial squeeze we constantly feel but he said 'no'. He said no. What a way to make an employee feel valuable.

And after two poo poo poos in the pants and one pee pee pee accident by S.O.v.1 yesterday, we had another today. As I was changing his pants and underwear I just began to sob. The fact that he would rather pee in his pants than tell me he needs to go just tells me that I have failed somewhere. Its not like he doesn't know what to do and he does tell his babysitter, but he won't tell me or S.O. and of course everytime I ask him he says 'no'. And to get him to go anyway is always a fight. I feel like I have just screwed something up and I feel like such a failure.

It has been a week of disappointments.